Dating & relationships: the nuts and bolts . . .

We learn most of our relationship how-to's from our caregivers. The way we treat others, the way we expect to be treated, the way we treat ourselves, and the way we show up in relationships, can often be traced to our most significant relationships in our history - often to the first model we had growing up: our household family. This means we cannot help but to recreate or perpetuate the same conditions in our current relationships, and this fuels our relationship anxiety and dating anxiety.

While it can seem like the most significant factor in our dating anxiety and relationship stress hinges upon our partner, most of the issues are also about how we individually show up.

And this is because they wait way too long before they start seeking professional guidance for the relationship anxiety. By the time most do, resentments have been taking root for years, making couples therapy ineffective - after all, how can anyone expect to undo or recover years of damage in just a few months of therapy? Individual therapy is often the first suggested step.

Ask anyone you know, or ask a professional -- attempts to 'fix' our partners (or friends or family, for that matter) do not get very far. The most you can actually do is to work on yourself, trust yourself, and make conscious choices to be with your partner in whatever format works for those involved.

So long as you remain unaware of our psychological selves, you will be destined to repeat the same patterns that you grew up in - and this often takes the form of unstable, uncertain, and "firey" relationship dynamics that seem to repeat throughout your life. First, you must be aware of your attachments and their dynamics. Then, you can change them.